When I last left you, the honeymoon was on for my brother and sister in law. Well, actually they were calling it a "mini-moon" since it was only for two days. They left Sunday and were back Tuesday, meaning my wife and I had the house to ourselves....and our two dogs, and their two cats, and of course the big spazz Tucker, the chocolate lab.
We began Monday by going back to Bryant and Connie's house after my father in law drove Bryant's sister and her hubby to the airport. My wife and I get there only to find that dad had forgotten he had changed the deadbolt a few months back and had mistakenly locked the bottom door lock on the front door--a lock no one apparently had the key for anymore.
Still, at the time, no one knew that. The in-laws told us you have to wiggle it back and forth a lot to get it to open. We tried that ohhhh, about 20 minutes, when it finally became apparent that it was simply the wrong key. We finally went back to the folks house and told them about it and they said they would take care of it.
My wife and I went to AAA to get our trip tic for the ride back and while we did that, the folks went to business getting in Connie and Bryant's house. From what I hear, my mother in law Jan, had to transfirm into Spiderman. Kip gave her a boost and Jan scrambled over the six foot wooden fence to get in the back yard, then shimmey through the doggy door, into the house where she could finally open the front door. I can almost hear "Mission Impossible" music playing.
To treat mom for her derring do, we took the folks out to Golden Corral. I'm sure you have seen the advertisements, but to my knowledge, there is not one in Rochester. That's too bad. Golden Corral is basically a buffet, and it makes Old Country Buffet look like a pig trough.
You pay, I think it was $10.79 per person and eat anything you want and as much as you want. The buffet looks like someone put one in an airplane hangar. I swear you practically needed cab fare and a shuttle service to get from the salad and fixings to the dessert.
That night, eating was done my friends, and it wasn't always pretty. I started with a full plate of salad with a bunch of fixings on it and doused in ranch. Then it was onto cajun sausage, meatloaf, steak teriyaki, regular steak, mac and cheese and pot roast. Then I went to the mexican area and made a taco, some nachos, and some refried beans. Tried a slice of pizza. Starting to slow down, I had some mashed potatos, cottage cheese, and then some ice cream. I'm sure I forgot a couple of things, but you get my point. Every city should have a Golden Corral and by God, I hope Rochester gets one soon too!
The most amazing thing of that dinner though was the exhibition my mother in law put on. While everyone was waiting for me to scarf down til my heart was content, Jan kept going to the cotton candy area. Yeah, this place even had cotten candy, which my mother in law apparently hadn't eaten since childhood and was trying to make up for lost time. She had FIVE full sticks of cotten candy and I think part of a sixth. She then got giggly all the way home and then crashed like a four year old as soon as we got home.
Speaking of my mother in law, she and I had a date the next day. Both of us being big time right leaning republicans who are scared to death for the future of our country, we went to see "2016: Obama's america", which I believe is the title.
At my 46 years and my mother in laws late 50's or so, we were the youngest people in the whole theatre. Hope that does not bode well for the coming election, that many of Romney's voters might not make it that long.
The film was scary as hell folks, let me tell you. I walked out of the theatre with my heart pounding in my chest like I had just woken up from a nightmare. I know Dinash DiSousa, the writer and producer, is a lifelong anti-leftist, but of all the research he obviously put into that movie, if even HALF of it is true and dead on, we are about to have a calamity of deathly proportions the US has never seen if our current President is re-elected. If you are on the fence about the upcoming election, see that movie and I guarantee you will be pulling the same lever as me.
After the movie, Jan and I went shopping. My wife isn't much of a shopper, but I like to take my time and just look for bargains sometimes, and so does mom. She took me to a place called "Savers", which is like a Goodwill or Salvation army store in Rochester, only it's about five to ten times larger. All used or second hand items, moderately priced, in a store space the size of a Super Wal Mart. It was impressive, and of course I wish we had one like it in the Roc. I bought a University of Colorado Buffalo's hat (which I later gave to sissy) and a Rockies hat that is just like the one I bought at Coors field five years ago when I was here for $17. The price of the one at Savers? $1.99! Same for the CU hat. I also bought a Rockies matching t-shirt for $3.99. Can't beat that with a stick!
I also went to the driving range to hit balls with my father in law. Bryant joined us. We hit balls til each of us were sore. At my age, that's pretty much the same for ANY activity I try. I hit 'em pretty well though, considering it had been since last years vacation since I golfed. Sadly, we are not going to have time to play on an actual course this trip, what with two weddings and all.
Speaking of two weddings, my wife's best friend Jessica was getting married on Saturday. What is most interesting is, Jessica is a witch, and it was to be a pagan ceremony, which I couldn't wait to find out what that would be like. I mean, instead of coming down the aisle to "Here comes the bride", would they walk down the aisle to "Shout at the devil" or what? Would there be animal sacrifice's? What exactly IS a coven anyways? These were all questions that I had.
We went to the rehearsal dinner on Friday night, my wife and I. Since Jessica's soon to be husband is a doctor, and Jessica is an OR nurse I believe, it was really nice. The dinner was catered, fancy, and well prepared. And there were no spells cast or potions thrown around, which was nice.
Well fed, we got out of there and it was time for my annual trip to see my wife's ex boyfriend Robert. Now if you didn't read my blog from last years vacation here, let me briefly fill you in. Robert is 45 years old, and looks, sounds and in many ways, acts just like Dog, the bounty hunter on the A&E network. He is a piece of work. Quite the character. He wears biker regalia with dozens and dozens of patches that are like lines from dirty limericks.
We walk in the bar he is playing poker in and he yells across the room loudly, "Hey you son of a blank. Get your little lazy ass over here and buy me a blanking beer!" He leaves the poker table and we go hang out in the back of this honky tonk that would make Bo Cephus nervous.
We have some laughs, then my wife, who was getting impatient with her one-time flame, says, "if you want me to do your hair, we need to go now. It's getting late!". Robert then tells us that's fine, since he needs to get home right away to feed his snakes. "Oh this should be good" I think and we head back to his place. You ever watch "Cops"? You know the places the people who get busted live in? Well Roberts place is just like that!
We get there and he pulls out his 3 & 1/2 foot male Burmese Python. Grabs one of the two rats he had bought that day and drops it in the tank with the snake. The whole time, Robert is acting like Marlon Perkins (if you are over 50) or the Crocodile Hunter (if you are under). He's explaining everything we are about to see. "Any minute now you are going to hear the rat scream as the python squeezes the life out of it", then BAM, it would happen. It was a morbid play by play, and would soon be repeated when he took out the 4 foot female python.
My wife cut his hair while he regaled us with his sexual exploits with Mormon women and all of his political aspirations. He wants to run for President in the next 10-20 years. I didn't laugh. It can't be any worse than what we have now.
The next day, we dressed up nice and went to Jessica's wedding. It was at her house, the same place as her rehearsal dinner. Actually her and her soon to be hubby's house. Today the main room with the huge cathedral ceiling had been transformed into a makeshift church, and about 35 people filed in and sat down for the ceremony.
It was a nice ceremony, and nothing bad happened. There were no spells cast or fire and brimstone. They did a lot with a circle though. There were east, south, west and north candles, which were all lit, as they welcomed the spirits (presumably good ones) into the room and the ceremony. I was told by my wife "You can't leave the circle, once they open it. No matter what! You have to go to the bathroom or get a bloody nose, tough! You have to stay in the circle!" I never found out what exactly would happen if I left the circle, but I sure as heck didn't want to find out!
There were a lot of "blessed be"s and "merry meet"s and phrases that sounded like you would have heard around the time of the Salem witch triels, but all in all, it was nice. The three members of Jessica's coven married the couple. See, in Colorado, anyone can marry anyone, as long as they fill out the right paperwork with the state and town.
The dinner was very nice, except for what happened to me. My table got up to get the buffet food and I stayed at the table. My wife and I have found it is just easier if she gets me a plate, due to my eye condition. While I was waiting, someone tried to get by my chair. I leaned in to inch my chair forward an inch or so and all of a sudden, BAM, down I went on my ass. Of course everyone turned and was shocked, asking if I was ok.
I was of course. Other than being mortified by the embarrassment of what had just happened. I got to my feet and dusted myself off and muttered loudly enough for everyone to hear, "Man, I must have eaten too many appetizers". That made the whole room laugh and eased the tension. It was a genius line under the circumstances I gotta admit.
The food was catered and again, very well done. It was a bit fou fou for my tastes though, and the people there weren't quite as friendly and outgoing as Connie's wedding the previous weekend. It was still fun though.
Finally, we had one more day left with the family, and it was Sunday. We all (my wife and I, my father and mother in law, and sister and brother in law) went out on the folks motorboat once again. We also brought Tucker, the chocolate lab this time. It was a blast, and as always, interesting things happened.
Tucker peed on the boat, which is always an eye opener, especially if you are sitting near him when he did it. I got talked into being pulled by the inner tube on their boat, which was a ton of fun. It totally brought back memories of being a teenager at my parents summer cottage on Canandaigua Lake. I hung on for a long time, until dad started going nuts back and forth until I crashed out going back thru the boats wake again for about the fifth time. Bryant and mom then followed suit being pulled on the tube and fun was had by all.
We also ate and fed the geese. The geese are so ballsy and get so much human interaction, that they swim right up to the boat and will eat the bread crumbs right out of your hand. Finally, just about the time we were all pooped out and ready to head home, we ran out of gas. See what I mean? Things like this are just commonplace with this new family of mine. I love it--life surely isn't dull. We flagged down a nice couple who helped tow us to the gas pump and off we went back to the boat launch. It was a great way to finish this vacation.
Starting tomorrow, it's back to talking about the Bills, the Amerks season is about to start, and the Yankees drive for the postseason. It's what I love to do, but by the same token, I am sure gonna miss these people and this lifestyle.
Thanks for taking a ride with me, and looking through a little window into my world. I hope you had fun. I know I did. See you in Rochester!
PS No animals were harmed, killed or maimed in the making of this vacation.
